Recent Changes in my Journey

As I promised in my last post, I said I would follow up with how things have been changing on my body, in my head and my mannerisms, and all the like. This post may be considered NSFW, so read with caution in a public space.

I’ll start with the changes to my medications. I was told that my T levels were higher than when I first started transition. If any of you have been following me since day one, you’ll know I was initially put on Spironolactone, but taken off it within a month or two due to an allergic reaction that was slowly eating away the inner lining of my stomach. I was put onto Finasteride by my gatekeeper, and then once I met my endocrinologist, she switched me to Dutasteride. I was on these blockers since March 2013. In every one of the meetings and followups I had with my endocrinologist, she would mention my T levels were too high, and we would try various things, like progesterone added in, but it was still causing some issues with high T production. Just about two months ago, I got an emergency call from her, and she told me my T levels were higher now then any time I had seen her. She didn’t have a solution that she could suggest, which is kinda sad since she has been working with trans patients for many many years, and had never run into someone that has the same issues with blockers I’ve had. Her sure fire solution was of course the orchiectomy surgery, but as we’ve seen, the urologist will not grant me that until I get to a ridiculous weight. This not being an option in the immediate time, I mentioned a drug called Androcur, (cyproterone acetate) that I had heard about from other trans people in other parts of the world. She figured at that point it was worth it to give it a shot and looked at the side effects and the interactions with the other things I’m on, and approved it. Now, I said I’ve been on it two months, and I can already say there is a major difference, but we will discuss those further along in the post. Now as for my hormones, I’m still on the estrodiol in gel form, and of course I was put on progesterone last august and have maintained them as part of my daily HRT regimen. The progesterone has had a pretty bad effect on my mental stability, causing some major depression and negative thoughts and feelings. I’m not sure if it’s doing it’s job, but I will admit that I’ve had some decent other effects come along while I’ve been on it, again, that I’ll mention in the upcoming paragraphs.

My mental stability has certainly changed under the effects of HRT. Before, I can say I was emotionally and mentally stable for the most part, but as I mentioned in another post many moons ago, my mood swings were fairly bad when I was on the Spiro, so my T levels must have been a little lower at that point. After the change from that, my moods stabilized for the most part, until I came onto the Progesterone, which is where I offer my biggest piece of advice.. If you are having some issues already with depression, please, please make sure you’re under the care of a doctor while you are on it. The side effects directly state that depression and feelings of worthlessness/suicidal tendencies will come along. I for one can say these are true expectations that should be set. As I went from relatively stable to those exact feelings myself. Thats all I’ll touch on that, since I’m trying to maintain a positive vibe in this post.

Mannerisms, I have noticed some changes here in the last couple months, as well as through my whole transition. I’ve of course noticed my walk evolve into one that is lighter, and a little bouncier, and a little more sway in my step. I’ve noticed my mannerisms have changed a bit too, though that may be more due to practice, like when I’m speaking and casually softening my look without thinking about it, speaking softer, and just gesturing and moving softer. I can’t say I can account it to the hormones, or the blockers, but it really seems like since I’ve been on good blockers, that some of these have been more pronounced.

Of course, there is the body changes. This is where things get a little racy, so if you don’t want to hear this, I would stop reading now.

Firstly, for the first while on hormones, my libido crashed. Like totally and completely. Having said that, no libido was not a bad thing, but functioning parts, is a huge pain in the ass. Having enough testosterone in the system to keep things doing it’s random things is awkward, as well as mornings. Luckily, the new blockers have taken care of that really quickly, having cut function to near nothing, as it was a huge embarrassment. With that though, I’ve noticed my libido has climbed back up steadily, though I have very little to no desire to fulfill it. I hate to openly admit this sort of stuff in a public forum such as this, but during my years of HRT, I’ve noticed some significant shrinking, of both the testes and the other part in that region. We’re talking a reduction in size of around 50% or so, and 60-70% in the testes (though thats only since I started the new blockers).

Then there is the chest. All I can really say is that I truly believe that I have been gifted with good genes, as I currently sitting at a natural C, and I’ve gone into a growth cycle again, as I’ve been getting a lot of tenderness and pain in that area again. I can basically point the finger at the blockers I was on before. My T levels were so high, I had minimal growth, but now the hormone is being stopped, I have gone into growth again. Part of my chest size can likely be attributed to weight at beginning of transition, so I’ve been able to keep some of that.

The rest of the body changes aren’t that racy really, with my weight loss, I’ve noticed I’m developing a bit of an hourglass with hips and whatnot. I’ve noticed curves developing, and softening of my face. I’m also fighting a little with excess skin, but thats something to work on as we move along with weight loss. Of course, of note there was the inch of height I’ve lost in the last year, and will likely losing a little more now that my body has gone back into a “growth cycle”.

End of the racy stuff.

So that’s it. Sone parts of this have been tough to write, to open my soul and my comments on my body, my mind and things that have changed since I updated a post like this (which I can’t remember when I did last) Sorry if any of the comments turned people away, but I pride myself on being an open blogger, and sharing whats going on, this is all part of my transition story.

So for now my readers, I sign off for the second night in a row, with more words of wisdom. Be yourself, don’t let anyone tell you, or make yourself think that you’re not good enough, because damn it, you are. You are an individual, you don’t need to conform to anyone’s ideal of who you should be.

Until next time,
Rachelle ❤